Nikon D90 Preview (Laugh)

For those who didn’t read the full preview and discover that it was actually a joke, go back and click the link.  For those that did, here’s the excerpt of the punch lines for many of the faux features offered in the D90:

1. uVR: “With uVR enabled, the combined power of the batteries sends a current through the step-up transformer. This then delivers a 110 volt shock through metal pads around the grip. The resulting electrical shock matches the shutter speed (maximum of 10 seconds).The shock causes a very stable clenching of the photographer’s muscles while the shutter is open, simulating the stability of a tripod.”
2. In-camera editing: “To save money, the CS3 licenses were bought from a Russian spammer at 1/50th the regular price, allowing Nikon to keep the price of the D90 competitive. “
3. Shutter delays: “The D90 solves this problem thanks to Nikon’s new MindProbe technology. MindProbe scans your brain, looking for those tell-tale low amplitude beta waves that signal an imminent shutter-press. By the time your neurons react, and you actually press the shutter, the D90 has already captured 3 images (or 6 in GTI mode).” …

   “My Nikon contact tells me their R&D people are now working on a system that eliminates the photographer altogether. Nikon’s customer research has discovered that when a photographer takes a great image, they claim all the credit. But when a photographer takes a bad image, they blame the camera.

   By eliminating the photographer, Nikon plans to eliminate lousy photos altogether.”

4. Universal memory compatability: “The D50 and D80 caused some controversy by moving Nikon’s consumer-orientated DSLR models away from CF cards. This lead many Nikon users to resort to unseemly and ungentlemanly language in the forums (expressly forbidden under the terms and conditions of the standard Nikon warranty).

   In an effort to avoid such distasteful events this time around, and ensure everybody can enjoy a D90, Nikon now supports the following storage formats…”

5. Wireless Anywhere: “… Nikon has put a series of satellites in orbit that are dedicated to receiving wireless remote signals from users anywhere on the planet. These are then forwarded to your camera, allowing you to trigger the shutter no matter where you are.”

 And much more.

The entire article is of course intended as humor.