And another from my history, back when I was a field technician in customer premise telecom (I’m now in remote);

I work in the customer premise equipment telecom industry. The cards that are installed in the phone system have lights on them to indicate an error condition. When the lights are off, everything is fine, when the lights are on, there is a problem.

I went out to a customer site that had experienced a power outage, but after the power outage, they complained that the phone system was broken. I asked them how they knew it was broken. They explained to me in all seriousness that they had tried pulling and reseating the cards in the phone system but couldn’t get the lights to stay on, and this is how they knew it was broken. They asked how to keep the lights on.

I was stunned for a second and then, after having determined that no one on site or on contract had any knowledge about the phone system, responded:

If your phone system looks like a christmas tree, then that means something is wrong. The red light on the cards is like a stop light: Stop. Don’t do anything. Call for support.

I also pulled the IT guy aside and asked him if he would pull cards out of a computer while it was powered up. He responded no. I said “don’t do it to a phone system either.”

 

Funny stories from my past. I’ve sent a few of them out to others via email, I figure I can copy/paste them here to share the funny.

My best friend used to work for a school district IT department, and the neighboring school district had triple the staff with a significant number of certifications (MCSE). My friend had no certifications at the time. One day, one of the IT people from the neighboring school district called my friend and asked if there was any way to recover a computer from a failed BIOS update. (BIOS is Basic Input Output System, and controls the communication between the hardware before the operating system loads… in essence, it tells the computer how to find and load the OS. And a *SPOILER* to the story to make it make sense: You cannot recover a computer from a failed BIOS update.)

My friend replied: “Get a pen and paper and write this down.

“First, go down to the supermarket and get a box of reynolds wrap aluminum foil. You can use any aluminum foil, but reynolds wrap is the best.

“Second, take the aluminum foil and wrap your computer in it. Make sure to tuck it in tightly around the frame, leave nothing exposed. Especially around the power supply and floppy disk drive.”

He was standing up and pacing in his office, surrounded by the non-technical staff at his location, who started busting up laughing as they realized what he was doing.

The other IT guy asked, “Are you serious?”

He continued: “Look, do you want my help or not?”

“Yes, sorry,” replied the IT guy.

“Ok then, have you got all this written down so far?” He asked.

“Yes,” the IT guy responded.

He then concluded, “After you’ve wrapped the computer tightly in aluminum foil, I want you to take that thing outside and hold it above your head… and

PRAY TO GOD THAT LIGHTNING STRIKES THE THING AND BRINGS IT BACK TO LIFE!”

After a short pause, the IT guy said, “really?”

 

I put this together last year and found that I needed to share it with someone recently, so I decided to post it here;

  1. Monthly cost – what is the monthly cost to use their services to manager your property
  2. Vacancies & leasing fees – what is the finders fee for finding you a tenant
  3. Service terms – will the property manager manage a property when you find the tenant? will the property manager help you find a tenant and then let you manage the property?
  4. Termination policy – what terms for terminating your relationship with the property manager?
  5. Contact info – what contact methods does the property manager prefer, will they use your preferred contact method? (email, phone, fax)
  6. Accounting – State laws dictate the rules of procedure for mailing checks to you and how security deposits are handled. Verify that the company is licensed and fully compliant with your state association of Realtors. Check with reporting bureau’s, such as the BBB, to see if any compliants have been filed against the management company and the status of resolution. Get a committment in writing about the mailing schedule for rent checks and monthly expense statements before you sign.
  7. Repairs & maintenance – determine who handles maintenance and what is the limit on repairs before the property manager must contact you? (i.e., don’t contact you for less than 100$ repairs, etc.) Do they have existing relationship with maintenance vendors or will they use your relationships?
  8. Reserves – what is the required cash reserve for anything that comes up, including maintenance. Most managers require a reserve (as they cannot take money out of the tenant deposit for incidental costs and repairs)
  9. Statements – monthly or quarter statements? year end statements?
  10. Yard work – will they take over existing yard service agreements? will they handle all necessary yard work?
  11. Advertising – how do they advertise? Make sure a property manager gives you at least an overview of their advertising methods.
  12. Showing your property – does the property manager give out keys to your property or do they attend property inspections with prospective tenants?
  13. Evictions – how do they handle evictions?
  14. Section 8 – will you accept section 8 tenants? will they manage a property for a section 8 tenant?
  15. Experience – how long has the property manager been in the business?
  16. Professional – do they appear professional when they meet you or are they cavalier? are they prepared for each meeting with you or are they always having to get back to you because they don’t know the answer to some question?
  17. Scope – how many properties do they manage? what is the upper/lower limit for their property management services? (some specialize in high priced properties, other specialize in low priced… some run a gamut in between.) do they limit their property management to a certain geographical area?
  18. Availability – are they available full-time or part-time? how prompt are they on getting back to you and at what hours? when they commit to talking to you, do they meet that commitment or are they always needing to reschedule? how many employees do they have working for them? have they had any significant turn over in those employees
  19. Certified – if they claim they are certified, check to see if their certification exists. any property manager that claims that they are licensed by the city or state to do property management is lying, beyond a business license, there is no city/state licensing for property management or qualifications needed to file said business license.
  20. Personality – a bad manager can lead to high tenant turnover and may cost you money
  21. Get everything in writing – this includes applicant information, personal contact information for the property manager beyond their business number and always give yourself a 30-60 day out on any contract with the property manager
  22. References – always ask for references. if you were hiring an employee (and you know this being a manager yourself) you always get references. they cannot always be trusted to be 100% authentic, but you can usually tell something about the prospect by the type of references as well as what those references say.

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© 2011 Undecided Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha